One of my favorite things in the world, that thing that unfailingly will make me smile and stop whatever it is I’m doing and just close my eyes and be. I love the wind. I love the feeling of it on my skin and in my hair, it feels like freedom, and flying. It feels like joy and peace at the same time. It makes me feel alive.
Happiness, that elusive thing that we’re all trying to find, moment by moment, day by day. We look, and we find, and then the moment passes and happiness dies. The wind goes away. But joy? Joy is something different. Joy is more than a feeling, its a knowledge, its a certainty in something solid. Joy is that thing that even in the midst of disaster and death, when tragedy is around us, we can close our eyes and feel the wind.
In my life I’ve chased happiness. I was so frustrated and angry because it kept on slipping away. I was so tired of being empty, tired of being lonely just, feeling wretched. The day I met God….I couldn’t tell you what day of the week it was, or even the time of day. I just remember I was sitting in my room on my floor and I was crying. I was fed up with people talking about how fulfilled God made them, how whole and well and happy. Why couldn’t I have that? I’d gone to church all my life, I’d been good, I wasn’t a bad person I followed my bible I listened to my parents. I was bitter and I blamed Him. And so I ignored Him. And in doing so I lost the wind. I lost something fundamental to my being. So here I found myself kneeling on the floor and sobbing. I don’t remember what verse I read, or even what book it was in. I just remember a rushing feeling, like falling very fast, or being lifted. And I felt, inexplicably happy. It was more than anything I’d ever felt before, and it didn’t feel like mine. It felt, and indeed I feel that it was, His. His happiness, His relief, His joy. I was saved. And in that moment I understood what that meant. How much He’d put into that moment, how long He’d waited for it. As though I’d walked a very long way through wilderness and had now finally made it home. I had the wind. And I closed my eyes and I laughed and I cried, and I never looked back.
No, everything wasn’t perfect, nothing was easy. But it was good. It was very good. For there was love, and with that came Joy.
Weep for yourself my man
You’ll never be what is in your heart
Weep little lion man
You’re not as brave as you were at the start
Rate yourself and rake yourself
Take all of the courage you have left
Wasted on fixing all the problems that you made in your own head
But it was not your fault but mine
and it was your heart on the line
I really fucked it up this time
Didn’t I, my dear?
Didn’t I, my dear?
People mistake ovulation and menstruation to be the same thing when in fact they aren’t
Ovulation is when the eggs are saying “hello friends I am here”
And menstuation is when the eggs are saying “goodbye friends I am gone”
This is the most glorious explanation of the female cycle I think I’ve ever seen.